When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i now understand why vodka
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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