...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
