I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
