YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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