FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
