A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
