We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize