i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
