Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
