I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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