I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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