Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
