we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
