WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
