If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
i think i just lost a toe
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
