That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
