We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
