Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
