my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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