I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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