I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
