So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
