The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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