So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
