She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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