I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
