i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
When are your genitals available?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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