Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
