we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
