Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
