She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
