My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
