found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
