Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i will never coherently bang her
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
