put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
