Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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