i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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