his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
