Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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