just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Randomize
