im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
