My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
