I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
