Where did you get a picture of my penis
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
