Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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