Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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