at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
