So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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