just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize