her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
