just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
