is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
