i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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