I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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