when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
