Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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