keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
