I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
