Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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