it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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