Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
