My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
