omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
