we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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