mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
